Meet Me At The Well

As part of my bible study, we are encouraged to write in our blogs about certain topics that we uncover in the study. I have chosen to talk about the woman at the well. In our book the Samaritan woman is fondly nicknamed "Sam". If you would like to read the story you can go to John 4 in your bibles.

This is what was asked of me : At the Well~ Reread Sam’s story in John 4, asking Jesus to meet you there and show you things in your heart that need His repair. Is there part of Renee’s story or Sam’s story that you can relate to most? (Ch. 2, Discussion #6)

There are plenty of things in my past that make me feel like Sam. I do go to church when I can but I feel ashamed to say that I'm a single mother who was never married. I know that as Christians we are not to judge but I know we have all at one time or another have judged and so therefore I can't help but wonder If I'm being judged in that moment. I want to truly know God not just know of Him. I want to believe not just believe in. However, my insecurities have built a wall that I just can't seem (or don't want to) break though to let Him or anyone else in completely.

This world has taught me not to trust, even myself sometimes. I need this to be repaired. No one should have to go through life walking on eggshells cause of the fear of judgement or wondering if they need to constantly have their loved ones show proof of that love. Another repair is the ever leering need to feel like if I do or say the right things then I'll be accepted and therefore worthy.

This study is really hitting me hard and fast. I knew people had self doubt but to actually go that deep is scary and causes my flight or fight reaction to become rattled. Quite frankly I have even thought about just letting the study go by the waste side and make up excuses like being to busy to join. However, if I don't face myself and these fears then I can never let go and let God. My doubts have caused me to be a control freak in some ways and so therefore it is hard to let God be in control. The devil will whisper in my ear "but what about what you want", "you don't have time to wait on God", and "doesn't it make you angry that God just wants you to do His will". To be honest, the devil wins sometimes cause I do feel angry that I can't have my prayers answered the way I want them and in the time frame I have asked God to bring them to me. Over and Over again I have been shown by God that if I will just be patient the pieces will fall into place much better than I could have ever arranged. Its amazing that He is so loving and shows me over and over again even though I still sometimes act like I'm just a toddler.

My father once told me that I have to thank God for the good and the bad. I thought he was absolutely nuts, but I did it and he was right. God teaches us through both. It reminds me of the verse Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

As the good Baptist I am lol, I hope I didn't chase to many rabbits and the purpose was achieved. To God be all the Glory, Amen.